non.

silent and expediant
these feelings collapse beneath us.
as stars wash above the salt, failing into boiling water.
as feathers dance and molest the sky.
trials of security evade our protection.
nullifying our existence.
as we lick our lips and call to the night.
looking for shoulders to latch onto.
sturdy walls to rest against.
the bulbs float, one by one.
down the winding banks of the rhine, down the knives of architects and child prodigies alike.
i found myself nestled to a cold cup.
broken but fluent,
in the languages of your expat brother.
in the tolerances of your chap lipped sister.
you kick thru the pavement.
you brandish licensure and legislation for other liar's approval.
but who will forgive your face tonight.
the whispers drip down your sullen cheeks.
these diseased, calloused fortunes that corrode your optimism.
silent and expedient.
your cup is replaced.
the last drops of self wash beneath your chair.
and you are once again an empty cavity,
painted and dressed for compliments.
an open tab of anonymity.

/close./

bury us not beneath it.

the day the earth fell
we stood kicking our way thru your ashes.
the day the earth fell
we ripped our lungs crying out to forgotten tyrants,
and beings that reside in the sky.
i put blood under my tongue.
i left my heart with who i was.
the day the earth fell
our hearts stopped beating,
and we stayed living out of force of habit.
we washed our eyes with tiny vessels of crimson
we tried to fill our hallowed faces with tasteless morsels.
we tried to paint our placid skin so the questions would cease.
but there was nothing left to occupy us,
except the continuation of existing.
the day the earth fell
my knees became permanently attached to my chest
i started sleeping just to experience something
the sun defied gravity, plunged out of the sky..
we became a variety defined by the purple coves holding our eyes.
defined by the numbness your loss intensified.
when you went away,
the day the earth fell,
we all succumbed to living.
skin keeps us safe in this tomb.
they pray to twilight to keep your image alive.
we surround ourselves with sadness,
the sole comfort to the survivor..
the pain reminds us you weren't just a dream.

/close./

5 hrs till sunlight.

and so there it is
you are as alone as you were in the beginning
peacefully rejected.. this numbing priority
feels somewhat instantaneous
don't we all just want understanding.
compassion to take our eyes
to dress the wounds we keep inside our cheeks.
these lies are persuasive.
but they are not idle.
you lay riddled with anxious movements.
reciting themselves from conversations past.
you see his face in the back of your mind, and wonder if this was all for a reason.
sleepless and stagnant, you write.
you write for a new tomorrow.
you write for someone to hold you.
you write for the sun and its forgiveness.
these pills force what socialization couldn't.
you look out your pillow into a world where people notice you.
into a world where isolation isn't your prisoner.
you practice and rehearse what you would do in that world.
if you could only continue,
your place there thru your real day.
5 hours till sunlight.. and you can't sleep a bite.



/close./

et

You watch as like waves, the feelings swell around your cheeks. Nothing more excites you. Numb isn't just your agent. Its your lover, your trainer, your best friend, your closest confident. You glide thru age, waiting to happen onto some golden rudder to latch onto. But to grasp, your will is gone..

/close./

Walking in that white suit,
your hair plastered to your scalp.
Like a hat.
The nasally squeeze, of your lyrics writhing out..
the pinch of your lips..
If all I can do is memorize pictures.
If all I can have are dreams to keep me complacent..
Then I'm frozen looking out from the vents you call eyes,
leaking down to this print.
Is it too much to wish that we could graduate from this courier new?
Limping from one trial to the next.
I wade in the reoccurring back fade.
Picturing there was a way to go backwards,
that you could have come further.
But no tears for us.
There are no more you's to write us into this situation.
Screwing thru the servitude,
I blink at your recorded exhale.
But no tear's for us.
There are no more you's,
to lie and wish me well.
As they seek their comforts.
As they embrace their negligent reasoning.
But the patrons of occasions like these,
we just cross our eyes.
We just pinch our veins, too see if plasma still drifts through something,
so hollow..
How are we so numb?
When you were so vivid?
With every ash that falls to earth,
I feel less a human.

/close./

endless. nameless. thoughtless.

you've become faceless.
i'm not sure what you used to be to me.
when did we abandon these talents?
how did everything become so senseless?
the rain doesn't seem to bother me anymore.
the ice doesn't seem to feel as frigid.
these ideas and concepts,
used to make things worth fighting for.
worth being conscious.
but anywhere i stand these days,
i see grey, sunless clouds.
these dimensions, fragment me.
into slivers of blue, slivers of black.
this town is faceless. that town is faceless.
these hands are steel scissors.
where is the comfort that used to satisfy?
these symptoms so passionless..
corroding this.
corroding that..
destroying lips, distrusting rats.
they used to be friends.
you used to react.
is there any blue left in the sky.
are you taking it with you when they bury your pride?
what lifts this weight?
haunting sleep. haunting day.
i bow to you,
to where you used to lay.

/close./

If you want to hit me.
If you want to drape blood across this friendship.
I'll get you the hammer.
But standing here now
I can't support this numbness.
If you want to hold me.
If you want to make things messy.
We can forget tomorrow.
But standing here now
With neither of us saying anything.
Wordless mouths that used to froth with anticipation..
Now two idle tunnels.
I thought someone would show some kind of emotion.
I thought we'd hit the pause button..
We would shift from its safe net.
If you want to push me..
You don't know any of the buttons.
You don't know any of the faces.
This thing was left stationary and the models changed.
Technology developed.
Winter happened.
Numbness factored.
I used to feel this passion
About not leaving things the way they were.
But I guess what i'm doing now.
Is slowly hanging up..

/close./

crazed babes, running with feeling.
we're all depressed.
lets not be misleading.
watching your idols, off themselves..
one by one.
falling in love,
with another corpse.
flowerless and insecure,
you stand as a guilty reminder..
but they look thru you,
none the wiser.
she sings thru your wrist.
the coffin dance,
glides thru your head.
songs with patti smith
entertain this distance.
what could things have been?
you have his advice,
but you don't trust them.
his ashes have long dissolved into goldston's pastures.
you're building an escape route.
no one latches onto you..
you're the lone wolf.
your parents both baby boomers.
we stand, witnessing our existence.
nothing feels the same.
nothing fucks the same.
cowardly we wave, translucent.
the night they took the tubes out,
you ripped thru the parking lot..
cursing lot's love.
destroying their perception.
no one can take from your stone heart.
choking back the feeling, you writhe on..
nursing the numbness.

/close./

"print"

these spies and the places they
sift down to.
safe beneath your shoulders..
i want to make mountains out of
pine needles.
thatched huts where we can build
our deception.
the falacy and the ear drum.
the great lie you keep beneath
your beating chest.. between the
palpitations..
there is a sunrise.
same as any morning.
there is a mealtime.
same as any morning.
i don't want to feel you in this
beating breast.
leave me.
these minds thrash between our
foreheads blindly.
i don't want her jealously.
i don't need these atoms fusing.
the sky is just as limitless as
it was before the day i
justified you.
ripped chords and sleeping
waranties make your bed.
collect your teeth, dear when
you dream.
make these messages stronger.
keep this empty pulse throbbing.
stripping clothes and breaking
necks, just to get a peek of you.
whispers and the mundane, subtle
things you do.
rejections are the currency.
watch out when she says,
"dear its just the vitamins".

/close./

"she and him"

the creases in your eyes, make like the sun..
they bring not shade, but tears to her eyes.
her lips are dry, her face is pink..
from her servitude and her constant adoration.
she loves the way your feet glide.
she loves the way your back bends..
the creases that mark your elbows.
the split that marks the morning..
the occasion for the dreary.
we collect ourselves and push foward..
mimicking days when we still remembered to touch.
fate leaves us directionless.
overwhelmed and undersiege from the better knowing public.
these pills kick in and the wash begins.
it brings me down to mattress.
where i can dream your eyes, the way they fold and close.
the way she looks to you.
to fight the dawn and break the china.
that would be gifts from your adoring parents.
these chairs sit, empty.
these books lay open.
i stay laying, staring thru the hole in the back of my mind..
watching you, the way you think, your heavy lids always down.
she loves you so, and it breaks my heart.



/close./