close your eyes.
sick from this unsucuumbing circumstance little veins, twitch and writh, dancing under your neck.
you smile hard; this autumn air moves you,.
far away from the technical maps.
far away from solutions,.
this bitter air draws around your clutched fist..
making that bouqet seem fuller.
the days and her memories play into you.
smoothing her fingertips up the small of your back.
twitching your small intenstine into manically clenching knots.
the sky draws a breath; you stand frozen, dumbfounded by its pink exhalation.
these buildings stand as unsoothing reminders of people you love but cannot touch..
of memories that remain just that.
another cork pops..
/close./
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
"ssr"
eyes dance
announcing their independence..
rolling east to the hollow spaces they rest in your skull
remembrance kills you
as these consequences set in
you want to touch his face
you want to be his source of comfort
polish his feet..
but you didn't invent the wheel..
you weren't there when he first breathed life.
echos rittle your chest numb.
they eat at that space beneath your sternum.
you can't close your eyes, open your eyes, acknowledge your mind, without seeing him.
with those long lashes.. and the way the bones are set beneath his wrist.
the way he looks down..
but she reminds you,
you were not the first person to fetch his water.
you were not there when he first breathed life.
skillets crash against your temples..
startling waves of pain that bother not to whisper..
but bore into the back of your head.
reminding you not to make eye contact.
reminding you to forget how his skin feels..
they look down your throat and respectfully say,
"no one is good enough"
it aches.
this pity.
i see sunshine in my peripheral.
rolling grass, and you are smiling.
announcing their independence..
rolling east to the hollow spaces they rest in your skull
remembrance kills you
as these consequences set in
you want to touch his face
you want to be his source of comfort
polish his feet..
but you didn't invent the wheel..
you weren't there when he first breathed life.
echos rittle your chest numb.
they eat at that space beneath your sternum.
you can't close your eyes, open your eyes, acknowledge your mind, without seeing him.
with those long lashes.. and the way the bones are set beneath his wrist.
the way he looks down..
but she reminds you,
you were not the first person to fetch his water.
you were not there when he first breathed life.
skillets crash against your temples..
startling waves of pain that bother not to whisper..
but bore into the back of your head.
reminding you not to make eye contact.
reminding you to forget how his skin feels..
they look down your throat and respectfully say,
"no one is good enough"
it aches.
this pity.
i see sunshine in my peripheral.
rolling grass, and you are smiling.
"sasha"
social disapathy
curling its way thru your connective tissues
extinguishing lifelines
of friends and people to see..
you are shut in like the recluse.
you will fail whether
talented or talentless..
the unihibited are inhibiting you.
backwards, backwards you scale.
hushing all their consideration.
surrendering to the death of you.
this takes your tongue
this makes you lie
there are tears in the back of you
but that compulsion is the beast of you.
so you sit home alone.
not extending your doors to new vocations.
just sleeping inside yourself retaining dreams of you.
of days when you are constantly tired.
of days when you will be brave.
you sleep inside of yourself
knowing those dreams are mild lies
you use to pacify this senseless exisitence.
where you are nothing of yourself
where you extend nothing of yourself
where fear and embarassment corrode your neck
and leave your head slumped atop of your shoulders.
you want to go out on the street.
but cat's got your legs.
social disapathy.
inhibits every cell of you.
/close./
curling its way thru your connective tissues
extinguishing lifelines
of friends and people to see..
you are shut in like the recluse.
you will fail whether
talented or talentless..
the unihibited are inhibiting you.
backwards, backwards you scale.
hushing all their consideration.
surrendering to the death of you.
this takes your tongue
this makes you lie
there are tears in the back of you
but that compulsion is the beast of you.
so you sit home alone.
not extending your doors to new vocations.
just sleeping inside yourself retaining dreams of you.
of days when you are constantly tired.
of days when you will be brave.
you sleep inside of yourself
knowing those dreams are mild lies
you use to pacify this senseless exisitence.
where you are nothing of yourself
where you extend nothing of yourself
where fear and embarassment corrode your neck
and leave your head slumped atop of your shoulders.
you want to go out on the street.
but cat's got your legs.
social disapathy.
inhibits every cell of you.
/close./
"lune."
this painting sits, so fresh and determined.
his head is locked, and you are no exception
to his policy of not extending keys..
you see the humanity in him.
the nervousness behind his smile.
and the continuem is warranted.
selfish aggrevations..
its a gift you toss and turn to extend..
you writhe and bite your tongue as you try to articulate, the swell that grows within you..
the sunrise that his face produces..
you can see it in the eyes of every skeptic.
you've wanted more, but what was there to take?
play those games like other girls..
play those games so you can move between his sheets.
wrap your legs around his chest,
the official apology.
and they all play games like this..
you just want to hold his hand and rub his back.
eyes bore into your temples..
when you take your hair down.
these pins pause and collect.
truimphs can rain down all day.
but you are still a morbid thinker at night.
the eye is set to the back of the room.
it catches lines in its peripheal.
you are close but its unnoticable.
/close./
his head is locked, and you are no exception
to his policy of not extending keys..
you see the humanity in him.
the nervousness behind his smile.
and the continuem is warranted.
selfish aggrevations..
its a gift you toss and turn to extend..
you writhe and bite your tongue as you try to articulate, the swell that grows within you..
the sunrise that his face produces..
you can see it in the eyes of every skeptic.
you've wanted more, but what was there to take?
play those games like other girls..
play those games so you can move between his sheets.
wrap your legs around his chest,
the official apology.
and they all play games like this..
you just want to hold his hand and rub his back.
eyes bore into your temples..
when you take your hair down.
these pins pause and collect.
truimphs can rain down all day.
but you are still a morbid thinker at night.
the eye is set to the back of the room.
it catches lines in its peripheal.
you are close but its unnoticable.
/close./
"end some"
the pain returns
it fills in for the dreams when in daylight they can't hunt you.
twisting your stomach, leaving you bound and writhing.
shaking this almost empty container..
pastel colors dance down your throat.
numbing you into submission.
the dying day makes its way thru your curtains,
pink containment washes over your walls.
you sit slumped against some corner..
reliving it all.
their ashes, your spectacles.
nothing can lift the corners of your mouth anymore.
its just another segment of time.
its just another period of waiting.
until the sun returns.
until the birds wake up..
and i can be alone,
on the outside.
staring thru faces.
you go do your job.
working, paying to be here..
when everyday.. you go home.
when everyday.. you wake up.
alone.
collecting your greenery.
sleeping in your headphones
pretending you are alive.
the grey takes over the city.
the grey masks everything..
with winter apathy.
you fold your hands and recline into the ceiling.
as the neighbors dance, and eat, and cry above you.
unobtainable life.. the introverts don't feel.
the pain returns,
embodiment of codependency.
peaceless little trick,
the nervous twitch, you call living.
/close./
it fills in for the dreams when in daylight they can't hunt you.
twisting your stomach, leaving you bound and writhing.
shaking this almost empty container..
pastel colors dance down your throat.
numbing you into submission.
the dying day makes its way thru your curtains,
pink containment washes over your walls.
you sit slumped against some corner..
reliving it all.
their ashes, your spectacles.
nothing can lift the corners of your mouth anymore.
its just another segment of time.
its just another period of waiting.
until the sun returns.
until the birds wake up..
and i can be alone,
on the outside.
staring thru faces.
you go do your job.
working, paying to be here..
when everyday.. you go home.
when everyday.. you wake up.
alone.
collecting your greenery.
sleeping in your headphones
pretending you are alive.
the grey takes over the city.
the grey masks everything..
with winter apathy.
you fold your hands and recline into the ceiling.
as the neighbors dance, and eat, and cry above you.
unobtainable life.. the introverts don't feel.
the pain returns,
embodiment of codependency.
peaceless little trick,
the nervous twitch, you call living.
/close./
"digestion"
i close my eyes and shut my nose
to help simplify your existence
and what it does to my chest.
what it does to my checks.
what it does to my nerves.
i smile fondly and carve nothingness into my mind.
sweet isolation mends my open heart. filling in the cavern with numb difficulties.
i remember the first time i met you
time stopped and you grinned sideways, partially winking at him.
in your green shirt, you tucked your hair behind your ear and my heart stopped.
from the moment i first saw you, i knew.
you would be prone to constant mental editing.
the way she opens her heart.
i want to protect her.
balancing the both of you, leaves my chest rotten.
leaves my breast devoid of feeling.
leaves my trust locked behind my retinas.
leaves me genderless and cynical.
i want to stroke your cheeks.
i bite my tongue, looking thru not at you..
always in my mind.
is the way you look at me.
do they see it that way too?
/close./
to help simplify your existence
and what it does to my chest.
what it does to my checks.
what it does to my nerves.
i smile fondly and carve nothingness into my mind.
sweet isolation mends my open heart. filling in the cavern with numb difficulties.
i remember the first time i met you
time stopped and you grinned sideways, partially winking at him.
in your green shirt, you tucked your hair behind your ear and my heart stopped.
from the moment i first saw you, i knew.
you would be prone to constant mental editing.
the way she opens her heart.
i want to protect her.
balancing the both of you, leaves my chest rotten.
leaves my breast devoid of feeling.
leaves my trust locked behind my retinas.
leaves me genderless and cynical.
i want to stroke your cheeks.
i bite my tongue, looking thru not at you..
always in my mind.
is the way you look at me.
do they see it that way too?
/close./
"dig a hole"
can we start colliding?
dig a hole in the desert.
i could just wait there.
till this whole life blows over.
after the postcards wear off.
we're back to pretending.
adjusting.
you are just a thought in my head.
stars used to embrace you.
when i was far away,
from this cesspool i flop around in.
back when the sky was still empty.
there was a place where we still could dream.
i know you were sick and numb then,
but something feels displaced here.
you've exhausted everything.
when did you stop failing and just start
relenting.
whats the big dream
the chorus flits around
metallic fantasies
that sew your stomach.
sitting alone.
the tickets found its way to your palms.
if your sweat doesn't deteriote them..
you might have a future.
if you can hold your breath..
if you can make it down the aisle.
dig a hole in the desert.
and stick a whole damn city in it.
stare at the sun until our retina's disentigrate.
/close./
dig a hole in the desert.
i could just wait there.
till this whole life blows over.
after the postcards wear off.
we're back to pretending.
adjusting.
you are just a thought in my head.
stars used to embrace you.
when i was far away,
from this cesspool i flop around in.
back when the sky was still empty.
there was a place where we still could dream.
i know you were sick and numb then,
but something feels displaced here.
you've exhausted everything.
when did you stop failing and just start
relenting.
whats the big dream
the chorus flits around
metallic fantasies
that sew your stomach.
sitting alone.
the tickets found its way to your palms.
if your sweat doesn't deteriote them..
you might have a future.
if you can hold your breath..
if you can make it down the aisle.
dig a hole in the desert.
and stick a whole damn city in it.
stare at the sun until our retina's disentigrate.
/close./
"baby"
you walk between eyelash fields.
trying to find a place to stick that pain that creeps behind your skull..
trying to fill your cheeks with mud.. so they will rest safe, pressuming you're only smiling.
and yes, sometimes i still picture us,
as if even time could be cropped and pasted..
she's there, cradling your nervous shoulders..
warming you like the love of the sun.
but time and space evade us..
and you have bitten the frost of the winter.
and you have been taken and repackaged, somewhere into a space that we avoid.
and now only the clouds play tribute to you.
there's a pink page that i keep in the back of my mind.
i let it bring me to my knuckles.
eclipsing tears, digging into these carpets of clay..
until i am somewhere drowning.
buried under the salt of rememberance.
i wish i could take your face between my gnarled fingers,
that i could paint you a brighter backdrop..
/close./
trying to find a place to stick that pain that creeps behind your skull..
trying to fill your cheeks with mud.. so they will rest safe, pressuming you're only smiling.
and yes, sometimes i still picture us,
as if even time could be cropped and pasted..
she's there, cradling your nervous shoulders..
warming you like the love of the sun.
but time and space evade us..
and you have bitten the frost of the winter.
and you have been taken and repackaged, somewhere into a space that we avoid.
and now only the clouds play tribute to you.
there's a pink page that i keep in the back of my mind.
i let it bring me to my knuckles.
eclipsing tears, digging into these carpets of clay..
until i am somewhere drowning.
buried under the salt of rememberance.
i wish i could take your face between my gnarled fingers,
that i could paint you a brighter backdrop..
/close./
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